{"id":7689,"date":"2018-03-09T14:41:38","date_gmt":"2018-03-09T11:41:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/?p=7689"},"modified":"2018-03-09T14:41:38","modified_gmt":"2018-03-09T11:41:38","slug":"sizofrenik-masal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/?p=7689","title":{"rendered":"\u015eizofrenik Masal&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/hokka.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/hokka-300x297.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"297\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-7338\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/hokka-300x297.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/hokka-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/hokka.jpg 403w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Nefes ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 san\u0131yordum.<br \/>\nBo\u011faz\u0131mdaki d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleri g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordum tabii o zamanlar.<br \/>\n\u015eu an bile \u00e7\u00f6zemiyorum zaten.<br \/>\nBo\u011faz\u0131mdaki d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleri,kafamdaki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleri,kalbimdeki duygular\u0131,o kad\u0131n\u0131,o kokuyu&#8230;<br \/>\nToku\u015fur bana rastlamadan \u00f6nce kalbindeki prenses.<br \/>\nBu y\u00fczden hep ben gibi konu\u015fursun,sen gibi de\u011fil.<br \/>\nSensen zaten beni benle\u015ftirmeyen,bunu da sen \u00e7\u00f6z ben de\u011fil.<br \/>\nHem&#8230;senin kalbindeki sa\u00e7s\u0131z,uyku tutmaz ve \u00e7irkin prenses i\u00e7mekten sarho\u015f olur.<br \/>\nBen,sen beni sar\u0131nca ho\u015f olurum.<br \/>\nHo\u015f olurdu ya,\u015fimdi \u015fu kap\u0131dan girsen sar\u0131l\u0131r\u0131m derim.<br \/>\nKar\u015f\u0131na gelince de sanki akrep yelkovana tur atm\u0131\u015f gibi bana anlams\u0131z bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce<br \/>\nBitti derim.Bitmi\u015fim derim.Bitirmi\u015fsin derinden.<br \/>\nDiyorum da,k\u00f6r birinin ilk g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc olay olsayd\u0131k biz,<br \/>\nG\u00f6rme sevincini arka plana atar ve \u00fcst\u00fcnk\u00f6r\u00fc bakard\u0131.<br \/>\nSa\u011f\u0131r birinin ilk duydu\u011fu ses olsayd\u0131 h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131m,<br \/>\nT\u0131ka\u00e7 takard\u0131 kulaklar\u0131na.<br \/>\nKanarcas\u0131na ittirirdi bir de bir daha duymak istemezcesine.<br \/>\nDilsiz birinin ilk cevap verdi\u011fi soru olsayd\u0131 neden ak\u0131l hastahanesinde oldu\u011fum,<br \/>\nBana di\u011fer ikisinin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylerdi.<br \/>\n\u015eizofrenik \u015fark\u0131lar da var benim gibi;<br \/>\nNotalar\u0131 yok mesela.<br \/>\n\u015eizofrenik duygular da var;<br \/>\nSen d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda sevdi\u011fin ki\u015fi bile g\u00f6rmez.<br \/>\nD\u00fcnya&#8230;<br \/>\nZaten kendisi \u015fizofrenik tak\u0131l\u0131r d\u00fcnya.<br \/>\nBir de ta\u015flar tak\u0131lmasa \u015fu dipsiz kuyuna.<br \/>\nAh d\u00fcnya!<br \/>\nDilsiz&#8230;huyu ya.Sissiz pusularda bile beni aramazd\u0131n.<br \/>\nDipsiz kuyu diye bildi\u011fim 2 santimlik \u00e7ukurmu\u015f me\u011fersem.<br \/>\nO da cenaze arabas\u0131n\u0131n tekerleklerinin \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc nokta.<br \/>\nYazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m not da bi intihar mektubu de\u011fildi asl\u0131nda.<br \/>\nHer insan\u0131n i\u00e7inde bi \u00e7ocuk vard\u0131r ya.<br \/>\n\u0130\u015fte o \u00e7ocu\u011fu ald\u0131rma dile\u011fimdi o benim.<br \/>\nYa\u015f\u0131m\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fck g\u00f6renler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerime taparlar herhalde tanr\u0131 diye.<br \/>\nBu kah\u0131r niye? Herkesin var bir gideni zaten.<br \/>\nO y\u00fczden,tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131n birine sen beni anlayamazs\u0131n diye ba\u011f\u0131rma asla.<br \/>\nBa\u011fr\u0131na alsan bile onun g\u00f6nl\u00fcn\u00fc alamazs\u0131n.<br \/>\nE\u011fer onun gideni \u00e7oksa,utan\u0131rs\u0131n gideninin ya\u015f\u0131ndan.<br \/>\n\u015e\u00fckredersin yi\u011fidinin topra\u011f\u0131ndan ta\u015f\u0131na kadar.<br \/>\nBedenini b\u00fct\u00fcn olarak g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015fsen sevdi\u011finin,<br \/>\nNefesini t\u00fct\u00fcn sararak g\u00f6mm\u00fc\u015fsen kendinkinin,<br \/>\nAsla ba\u011f\u0131rma tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131na sen beni anlayamazs\u0131n diye.<br \/>\nBen sevdi\u011fimin par\u00e7alar\u0131n\u0131 tek tek toplamaya koyuldum.<br \/>\nKoyundum ben koynuna girince ama k\u0131nal\u0131 kuzum al kana boyanm\u0131\u015f.<br \/>\nK\u0131na diyenler \u00e7o\u011falm\u0131\u015f s\u0131rf \u00fcz\u00fclmeyeyim diye.<br \/>\nKan demiyorlar.<br \/>\nBen ne desem bo\u015fa gider \u015fimdi.<br \/>\nPar\u00e7a par\u00e7a arad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda kalbini bulamad\u0131m diye kalbimi koymu\u015ftum morga.<br \/>\nZaten kalbim \u00e7oktan \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc benim de.<br \/>\nBedenimde saklam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m kokmas\u0131n diye.<br \/>\nKorkmas\u0131n diye \u00e7ocuklara anlatmad\u0131m tabii.<br \/>\nAma a\u015f\u0131k olup d\u00f6neceklerdi onlar da bu so\u011fuk morga.<br \/>\nBo\u011fuk sesleriyle ba\u011f\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015facaklar neden diye.<br \/>\nNe\u015fem yerinde de\u011fil u\u011fra\u015fma benimle.<br \/>\nU\u011fra\u015f\u0131na senin de!<br \/>\nBak o\u011flum hayat sap\u0131k g\u00f6zl\u00fc!<br \/>\n\u00c7\u0131pla\u011f\u0131 al\u0131r.<br \/>\nHayat kurnaz!<br \/>\nG\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcze oynar.<br \/>\nHayat hain!<br \/>\nArkandan vurur.<br \/>\nArmandan gurur duyacaks\u0131n diyecekler zorla.<br \/>\nBenim armam kalbim.<br \/>\nS\u00f6kt\u00fcm sevdi\u011fim i\u00e7in.<br \/>\nBu kalp onundu zaten.<br \/>\nHi\u00e7 benim olmad\u0131.<br \/>\nBir g\u00fcn&#8230;<br \/>\nAh o\u011flum!<br \/>\nBir g\u00fcn volta atarsam mahallemde,<br \/>\nKalpsiz,i\u011fren\u00e7,\u015ferefsiz!<br \/>\nDiye ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131rlar arkamdan.<br \/>\nBenim \u015fizofrenik masal\u0131m\u0131 bilmeden konu\u015furlar o\u011flum.<br \/>\nBu y\u00fczden,<br \/>\nTan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131n birine asla sen beni anlayamazs\u0131n diye ba\u011f\u0131rma!<\/p>\n<p>Emin Yurtg\u00fcl<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nefes ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 san\u0131yordum. Bo\u011faz\u0131mdaki d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleri g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordum tabii o zamanlar. \u015eu an bile \u00e7\u00f6zemiyorum zaten. Bo\u011faz\u0131mdaki d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmleri,kafamdaki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleri,kalbimdeki duygular\u0131,o kad\u0131n\u0131,o kokuyu&#8230; Toku\u015fur bana rastlamadan \u00f6nce kalbindeki prenses. Bu y\u00fczden hep ben gibi konu\u015fursun,sen gibi de\u011fil. Sensen zaten beni benle\u015ftirmeyen,bunu da sen &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/?p=7689\">Okumaya devam et <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2136,9],"tags":[1611],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7689"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7689"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7689\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7690,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7689\/revisions\/7690"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7689"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7689"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7689"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}