{"id":7322,"date":"2017-12-14T11:44:29","date_gmt":"2017-12-14T08:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/?p=7322"},"modified":"2017-12-14T11:44:29","modified_gmt":"2017-12-14T08:44:29","slug":"ihanetin-bedenlesmis-hali","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/?p=7322","title":{"rendered":"\u0130hanetin Bedenle\u015fmi\u015f Hali&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/sis-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/sis-1-300x198.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"198\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-7323\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/sis-1-300x198.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/sis-1-768x506.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/sis-1.jpg 927w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>A\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 kapat gibisinden bi i\u015faret yapt\u0131 bana, dost meclisinde. \u015eayet ikimizden biri konu\u015fsa, ger\u00e7ek ortaya \u00e7\u0131kacak gibi, tedirgindik ikimizde ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131klardan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc.<br \/>\nBen imkans\u0131za a\u015f\u0131k, can dostum ise teselli ederdi g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fc..<br \/>\nO g\u00fcnde, her zaman oldu\u011fu gibi, yedi ki\u015filik can ci\u011fer dostlarla toparland\u0131k yine ayn\u0131 mekanda. Herkes bi\u015feyler anlat\u0131yor, ben susuyordum. Dinlemek ile me\u015fgulken ben, birden kap\u0131ld\u0131m Asl\u0131&#8217;n\u0131n hitab\u0131na..<br \/>\nNe oluyordu birden b\u00f6yle, nas\u0131l etkilemi\u015fti beni bilemem ama kap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m sesine ; en \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fim \u015fark\u0131 gibi geliyordu o an bana ; sanki yuvas\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kan bi y\u0131lan gibi kula\u011f\u0131ma gelen g\u00fczel sese ve s\u00f6zlerine..<br \/>\nG\u00fcnler ge\u00e7er oldu, haftalara ba\u011flanan gecelerde ; aylar ge\u00e7er oldu mevsime ba\u011flanan takvimlerle. Ben h\u00e2l\u00e2 i\u00e7ine kapan\u0131k, kendimle mesai yaparken, a\u00e7\u0131klayamad\u0131m duygumu, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemi, sevgimi, muhabbetimi..<br \/>\n\u00c2det haline gelmi\u015f \u015fekilde, hep beraber ge\u00e7iriyorduk g\u00fcnlerimizi ; unutulmayacak anlardan, ben ise o zamanlar \u00fcniversitedeyim, s\u0131n\u0131f iki..<br \/>\nBir bahar g\u00fcn\u00fc bulu\u015ftuk, yeniden hep beraber. O zamanlar \u00f6yle dikkat ediyorum ki \u00fcst\u00fcme  ba\u015f\u0131ma, giyimime tra\u015f\u0131ma, sesime kokuma..<br \/>\nO zamanlarda \u00e7ulsuz kald\u0131m, hemen arad\u0131m bizimkileri istedim bi ka\u00e7 lira ; memleketten gelecek olan\u0131 bekliyorum \u015fayet yeni bir imaj yap\u0131yorum. Gelen ile bi g\u00f6mlek ald\u0131m ki, tam istedi\u011fim gibi ; kendi tarz\u0131mda siyah bi pantolon ; hi\u00e7 de\u011fi\u015fmez sade bi kundura da ayakkab\u0131m. \u00dczerimde de hafiften, kollar\u0131 yamal\u0131 bi ceket, cebine de yerle\u015ftirdim k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bi \u00e7i\u00e7ek..<br \/>\nSaat bilmem ka\u00e7, zaten onun yan\u0131nda zaman\u0131n bi \u00f6nemi yoktu o aralar ; en g\u00fczel vakitlerim, g\u00f6zlerinde kayboldu\u011fum anlar..<br \/>\nKimin ne dedi\u011fini ne anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmem ama Asl\u0131&#8217;n\u0131n anlatt\u0131klar\u0131, m\u0131h gibi \u00e7ak\u0131ld\u0131 akl\u0131ma..<br \/>\nNe zaman g\u00f6rsem onu, g\u00fczel kokular yay\u0131l\u0131yor burnuma ; hava da r\u00fczgar bi farkl\u0131 esiyor, elim aya\u011f\u0131mla dola\u015f\u0131rken, v\u00fccuduma terler bas\u0131yor..<br \/>\nAsl\u0131 ; orta boylarda, sar\u015f\u0131nla esmer aras\u0131nda. D\u00fcz sa\u00e7lar\u0131, hafiften dalgal\u0131, kestane rengi birde ; heleki tel tel olup r\u00fczgarda u\u00e7u\u015fmas\u0131.. Yanaklar\u0131 hafiften k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131ms\u0131, g\u00f6zleri ise beni benden alan yan\u0131..<br \/>\nHer bak\u0131\u015f\u0131nda farkl\u0131 bi renk sanki ; ne zaman baksam i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu hali yans\u0131t\u0131rd\u0131..<br \/>\nVelhas\u0131l, zaman bu \u015fekilde ak\u0131p gitmi\u015f, ben ise cesaretimi toplay\u0131p bir kez olsun kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kmay\u0131 ba\u015faramad\u0131m Asl\u0131&#8217;n\u0131n. Lakin en g\u00fczel \u015fark\u0131lar\u0131 dinliyor, sanki o da duyup e\u015flik ediyormu\u015f gibi seslendiriyordum kendimce. Y\u00fcre\u011fi yaral\u0131 bir b\u00fclb\u00fcl gibi \u00f6t\u00fcyordum \u00e7evreme..<br \/>\nB\u0131kt\u0131lar m\u0131 benden  uzakla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131 bizimkiler, az biraz dinlenir, ba\u015fka makamdan, ba\u015fka t\u00fcrk\u00fcden devam ederdim ben..<br \/>\nG\u00fcnlerden bir g\u00fcn, kimsesiz sokaklarda volta atarken ; beynimden kur\u015fun yemi\u015f gibi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcverdim dizlerimin \u00fcst\u00fcne. Dilimde anlatamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m a\u015fk\u0131m, kalbimde yanan sevgim, emanet b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m duygular\u0131m\u0131n ihanete u\u011fray\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u015fahit oluyordum ; kafam\u0131 vururken kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015f\u0131na..<br \/>\nSahile inen yolda, kenardaki bankta g\u00f6rd\u00fcm y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131. Elime att\u0131\u011f\u0131m b\u0131\u00e7ak darbesiyle kan karde\u015fi oldu\u011fum ; yedi\u011fimiz i\u00e7ti\u011fimiz ayr\u0131 gitmeyen, s\u0131rda\u015f\u0131m, yanda\u015f\u0131m, yol arkada\u015f\u0131m Tufan..<br \/>\nDenize kar\u015f\u0131 oturmu\u015flar, \u00f6mr\u00fcne \u00f6m\u00fcr verece\u011fim Asl\u0131&#8217;mla..<br \/>\nElinden tutu\u015funu, g\u00f6zlerine bak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm onun ; o an daha \u00e7ok vurulmu\u015ftum..<br \/>\nBi anda de\u011fi\u015fiverdi hava ; utand\u0131 g\u00fcne\u015f \u00e7ekildi yuvas\u0131na, a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131 bulutlar, sinirlendi r\u00fczgar..<br \/>\nOturdum kald\u0131r\u0131m\u0131n ta\u015f\u0131na, izliyordum bir film gibi, u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ihanetin bendeki \u00e7aresizli\u011fini. A\u011fl\u0131yordum i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e ; onlar g\u00fclerken birbirlerine..<br \/>\nBahar\u0131m\u0131 beklerken bir anda k\u0131\u015f oldu \u00f6mr\u00fcm, derman\u0131 ararken y\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131 g\u00f6nl\u00fcm, en yak\u0131n\u0131mdan yedim ben han\u00e7eri vazge\u00e7 g\u00f6nl\u00fcm ; sevenlerin aldat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu d\u00fcnyadan gel gidelim g\u00f6nl\u00fcm..<br \/>\nBir par\u00e7a ihanetin u\u011fruna, s\u00f6yleyemedi\u011fim duygular\u0131m u\u011fruna ; Kerem&#8217;i \u00f6rnek alarak \u00e7izdim seni ruhuma ; \u015fimdi ise bi idam sehpas\u0131nda \u00f6l\u00fcm s\u0131ras\u0131nda..<br \/>\nTavana ba\u011fl\u0131yken ip, ge\u00e7irdiniz boynuma ; ihanetin, pu\u015ftlu\u011fun bedelini sorarlar mah\u015fer meydan\u0131nda..<br \/>\n\u015eimdi toplad\u0131m ben, duygular\u0131m\u0131n bavulunu ; kader denilen \u015fey ne de ince bi \u00e7izgiymi\u015f, ya\u015farken \u00f6\u011frendim onu..<br \/>\nUnutmak kelimesi yak\u0131\u015fmaz akl\u0131ma, \u015fayet iki elim kanl\u0131, yakan\u0131zda..<br \/>\nVurun \u015fimdi sehpaya, titreyerek \u00e7\u0131ks\u0131n can\u0131m, hemencecik kapans\u0131n g\u00f6zlerim ; bu ihaneti daha fazla g\u00f6rmeyeyim..<\/p>\n<p>Furkan KOCABA\u015e<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 kapat gibisinden bi i\u015faret yapt\u0131 bana, dost meclisinde. \u015eayet ikimizden biri konu\u015fsa, ger\u00e7ek ortaya \u00e7\u0131kacak gibi, tedirgindik ikimizde ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131klardan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc. Ben imkans\u0131za a\u015f\u0131k, can dostum ise teselli ederdi g\u00f6nl\u00fcm\u00fc.. O g\u00fcnde, her zaman oldu\u011fu gibi, yedi ki\u015filik can ci\u011fer &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/?p=7322\">Okumaya devam et <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[2422,73,2496,2467,2495],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7322"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7322"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7324,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7322\/revisions\/7324"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}