{"id":10255,"date":"2020-05-29T19:07:20","date_gmt":"2020-05-29T16:07:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/siirmolasi.com\/?p=10255"},"modified":"2020-05-29T21:59:45","modified_gmt":"2020-05-29T18:59:45","slug":"acilarla-degirmen-basinda-ogutulen-benlikler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/?p=10255","title":{"rendered":"ACILARLA DE\u011e\u0130RMEN BA\u015eINDA \u00d6\u011e\u00dcT\u00dcLEN BENL\u0130KLER…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Ben ya\u015farken oldu, de\u011firmen gibi \u00f6\u011f\u00fct\u00fclen sevincim.\nSevincim? \u0130nsan\u0131n kendi de\u011firmeni ba\u015f\u0131nda, ba\u015f\u0131 eziliyor. Kimse fark etmeden,\nbiraz da budalaca\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 A\u011f\u0131r bir travma\nge\u00e7iririm her g\u00fcn. Beynimdeki her kan h\u00fccresinin ge\u00e7i\u015fini her zerreme kadar\nhissetti\u011fim bir travma. Sokak lambas\u0131n\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 bile mideme meydan okudu\u011fu bir\ntravma\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Bazen insanlar\u0131n\nbak\u0131\u015flar\u0131ndan, bazen bir erke\u011fin bacaklar\u0131n\u0131 ay\u0131ra ay\u0131ra oturmas\u0131ndan; \u00f6zg\u00fcven\nezen s\u00f6zler, hakaret, \u00e7\u0131karc\u0131 yakla\u015f\u0131mlar, fl\u00f6rt etti\u011fin bir insan\u0131n sadece\nba\u015fka ama\u00e7la sana yakla\u015fmas\u0131; haberlerde duyulan cinayetler, katliamlar,\nsava\u015flar, tecav\u00fczler, yoksulluktan tedavi edilemeyen hastalar\u2026 Ve niceleri. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben,  her \u015feyi sorun\netti\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm zamanda, hayat bana; hayatta olay s\u0131n\u0131f\u0131na konulan her\n\u015feyin birinin bir taraf\u0131na a\u00e7\u0131lan kanl\u0131 yaralar oldu\u011funu \u00f6\u011fretti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben \u00e7ok i\u00e7li \u015fiirler yazar\u0131m kendimce. Bunca ac\u0131lar\u0131 kendime\nac\u0131 yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan olsa gerek. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  \u0130smet \u00d6zel\u2019in, \u201c\u00dc\u00e7\nFirenk Havas\u0131\u201d adl\u0131 \u015fiirinde bir c\u00fcmle ge\u00e7er: \u201cBa\u015fka insanlar\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcmleri \u00e7eker\nbizi ve bazen ba\u015fkalar\u0131 \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc \u00e7eker bizim i\u00e7in.\u201d Bu s\u00f6z benim kulaklar\u0131mda alt\u0131\nsene yank\u0131land\u0131. \u015eiddetli a\u011flama krizlerin arkas\u0131nda, her \u015fey beni \u00f6l\u00fcme \u00e7ekti.\nAtt\u0131\u011f\u0131m ad\u0131m bile beni \u00f6l\u00fcme \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. Hakk\u0131mda ilgi manya\u011f\u0131, meczup\u2026 Olarak\nan\u0131lmamak i\u00e7in kendime bir y\u00fcz \u00e7izdim. \u0130nsan i\u00e7ine \u00e7\u0131karken ihtiyac\u0131m olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131\nbildi\u011fim i\u00e7in bunu yapmak zorundayd\u0131m. Neden zorundayd\u0131m? Sa\u00e7malama kad\u0131n,\nzorunda de\u011filsin sana \u00f6yle \u00f6\u011fretti baban! \u201cEl \u00e2lem ne der?\u201d diye bir zalim\naristokrasinin \u00e7\u0131plak k\u00f6leleriyiz. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Kad\u0131n ve erke\u011fin\nbek\u00e2retine, yolda nas\u0131l y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne, evindeki-\u00fcst\u00fcndeki nesnelerin maddiyat\u0131na\ng\u00f6re de\u011fer bi\u00e7en, \u00e7o\u011fu zaman kara habercin, iyi g\u00fcn sosyalisti, k\u00f6t\u00fc g\u00fcn\ndevletsizi\u2026 ELALEM! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ki\u015filik b\u00f6l\u00fcnmesi ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m a\u015fik\u00e2rd\u0131r. Herkes gibi bir nevi.\nSahi kim: e\u015finin, arkada\u015f\u0131n\u0131n, anne-baba- karde\u015f\u2026 Gibi yak\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda\nkendi ile ba\u015f ba\u015fa kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 kendi gibi oluyor? A\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7as\u0131 itiraf etmek gerekirse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 D\u0131\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm ile\ni\u00e7imdeki ben farkl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na bazen ben bile \u015fa\u015f\u0131r\u0131yorum. Duygular\u0131m \u015fiddetli ve\ni\u00e7imi yak\u0131yor. Hi\u00e7li\u011fe do\u011fru giden, sonbahar\u0131n can\u0131n\u0131 ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131nar yapra\u011f\u0131\ngibiyim.  Bazen de yere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp \u00e7atlayan el\naynas\u0131 gibi. Neden bunu dedim? \u00c7atlayan aynaya bak\u0131nca birden fazla g\u00f6sterir.\nBen de birden fazlay\u0131m i\u015fte: Sokakta, okulda, bah\u00e7ede, \u00e7at\u0131da, bacada; gecenin\nkaranl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, sabah\u0131n \u015fafa\u011f\u0131nda\u2026 Olmalar\u0131n\u0131 istedikleri kim varsa kendi\nbenli\u011fimizden k\u0131rarak ellerine veriyoruz i\u015fte. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sahi siz kimsiniz? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben aynalar\u0131n kad\u0131n\u0131 gibi g\u00f6z\u00fcksem de. De\u011firmende kendime\n\u00f6l\u00fcm bi\u00e7en kad\u0131n\u0131m. Kalemim size mutluluk anlatmaz. Benden de\u011firmenden un \u00e7\u0131kar\ngibi \u00f6l\u00fcm, ac\u0131, yaln\u0131zl\u0131k \u00e7\u0131kar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                                                                                                  Ac\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131zla avunun\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Kalem – i A\u015fikar <\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/twitter.com\/simsiz99347336<\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ben ya\u015farken oldu, de\u011firmen gibi \u00f6\u011f\u00fct\u00fclen sevincim. Sevincim? \u0130nsan\u0131n kendi de\u011firmeni ba\u015f\u0131nda, ba\u015f\u0131 eziliyor. Kimse fark etmeden, biraz da budalaca\u2026  A\u011f\u0131r bir travma ge\u00e7iririm her g\u00fcn. Beynimdeki her kan h\u00fccresinin ge\u00e7i\u015fini her zerreme kadar hissetti\u011fim bir travma. Sokak lambas\u0131n\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 … Okumaya devam et →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[3689,3691,1080,3690],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10255"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10255"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10255\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10279,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10255\/revisions\/10279"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.siirmolasi.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}